LET’S GROW

We’ve spent the last few weeks learning the ins and outs of people-pleasing. Now let’s walk though different scenarios where people-pleasing can show up and how to respond. 

If at any point you wonder if your response is people pleasing or just kind, refer back to last week’s newsletter and it explains the difference.

Friends

Scenario - I was in Disney World with some friends and it had been awhile since my last visit. We were walking by the “Muppets 3D” show. My friend that was leading the group said, “No one wants to go to that, right?”

Response - Muppets is a core memory from childhood and was important to me. Instead of staying quiet to please the group, I mentioned that it was important to me. No one complained and I was able to experience my childhood again.

Family

Scenario - You work very long hours at your job with little downtime. Your mother wants to spend time with you, but at a time you need to rest. You mention that you are exhausted and need sleep. This results in your mother trying to guilt you into coming.

Response - Time with you is important to me as well. I would like to spend time with you, when I am able to be present. Tomorrow I will be resting, is there another day that works?

Start with validating that you want to spend that time together (if you actually do) and that should help with any guilty feelings. This way, you can find a date that works for BOTH of you.

Work

Scenario - Your boss comes in and gives you an intense deadline on top of another intense deadline. You know you can’t do a good job on both if you have to do them at the same time. .

Response - I am currently working towards this other deadline. Would you like me to prioritize this new project or continue to work on my current project? 

This makes them aware of your current workload and your desire to accomplish your tasks. Good management will work with you.

Relationships 

Scenario - Your partner is speaking to you in a way that is hurting your feelings. Often when this would happen with me, I would just internalize it to maintain peace…which hurt.

Response - “I know you don’t mean to be hurtful, but when you speak to me that way it hurts my feelings.” This can start a conversation as to why it hurts your feelings, which can lead to greater understanding between the two of you.

If your partner doesn’t care about your feelings, it might be time for them to kick rocks.

I am really proud of you all for tackling this subject. Be patient with yourselves and keep practicing. This isn’t self-centered, it’s just trying to create balance in your relationships. Special shout out to the Besties for all the amazing back and forth in Discord.

Next week we talk about giving yourself a break and self-care. Stay tuned! Thanks, friends.