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LET’S GROW
I have been writing to you all for over a year now about many different subjects. The subjects I’ve written about were generally things that I have been going through as well – so I have been growing WITH you. Today, I want to share one of the bigger realizations I have had about relationships. This quote has stuck with me.
The healthy relationships you are seeking are on the other side of your own healing.
While this can be applied to romantic relationships, it also applies to ANYONE in your life. Allow me to explain further
You Choose Differently - When we start to heal and understand ourselves, we understand our needs and advocate for them. When we value and love ourselves, we don’t allow users into our lives and we don’t choose unhealthy dynamics. These actions create space for healthy connections.
Past Bleeds on Future - Often the person who hurt us doesn’t pay the price for the damage they did. More often it’s the loving people who remain that do. The person who hurt us demonstrated many times that they don’t care and it falls on us to heal the wounds they created. . It’s unfair, but so is life. If we don’t deal with those wounds, they bleed on the people around us. This can sometimes damage our relationships irreparably.
The more aware we are of this, the less likely it is to happen. This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect – that is not possible. The right person will be WITH us through those moments; however, as healing people, we are still responsible for our actions.
Healthy Conflict - For a long time this phrase sounded like an oxymoron. In previous relationships, I had two choices:
Give in to what they want and silence myself
Stick up for myself and the relationship would be over
I thought that would be the most triggering thing, but it turns out healthy conflict exists. In healthy conflict, we don’t just leave when it gets uncomfortable; we stay uncomfortable and work it out. The other person hears us and we hear them. Together, we come to a conclusion as a team. Again, in order to be able to do this, we have to understand our own needs and triggers – and have the space to express ourselves.
Loving yourself - Often, people look at loving themselves as arrogance. I am going to guess that if you had that thought, it’s not actually you who thinks it. You were TOLD that. Let’s reframe that. Learning how to love ourselves enables us to communicate how we want to be loved. The people in our lives are not mind readers.
The only way we can communicate how to love us properly, is if we first understand it ourselves.
I have spent this year really focusing on these things and two major things have happened.
I have more loving relationships
I have less people in my life…this can feel like a failure. It’s not…they needed to go.
Let me know if you have applied any of these things and how it worked for you. Also, for those who celebrate, have a happy holiday time. Go forth and be unfiltered.
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LET’S CONNECT
There are a few places for you to connect outside of the newsletter!
Discord - A place to chat, share, and grow with community members including movie nights every Monday!
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Coaching - I offer 1:1 Life Coaching and Social Media coaching. Book a FREE 15 min call here to see how I can help you!
Unfiltered Besties - Get access to likeminded people and join our discord. We have weekly discussion and monthly group chats. Also started a book club! Join us!
