LET’S GROW

I came to a realization the other day. This realization both hurt and helped – which is like a lot of the advice I give.

If one of your friends was struggling with something and they messed up and felt bad about it, what would you say to them? Most likely, “Hey, you got out there and tried. I am proud of you. Dust yourself off and try again. You got this.”

So, why is it that when we mess up, our internal conversation with ourselves is that we are a failure? If you spoke like this to people outside of yourself, you would have no friends.

I have a few theories as to why we do this.  

1. We compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel - especially with social media being such a huge part of people’s lives that allows us to see into the lives of others. We take these polished and curated images and treat that as the norm when it’s anything but. We create standards for ourselves that the people we based them off can’t even reach. This sets us up for certain and consistent failure. Set your standards based on your own experiences.

2. Fear of success is a very real thing. When we start to rise above our circumstances, that means we now have a greater distance we can fall. This happened with me. I would find myself becoming successful and then my nerves would come in. Now I have something to lose and instead of continuing to grow,  it becomes about keeping what I have. That keeps me focused on the past and not on the future.

It was self sabotage to keep my expectations of myself down, thus keeping the pressure down. Remember it was your ability that got you to the next step. You deserve to be there and it’s ok to dream even bigger.

3. If we shine we might lose some of our connections. I can personally attest that when I started to heal, I lost a lot of people. There are many reasons for this, but I found that my work seemed to hold a mirror for others to the lack of work they were doing. That probably didn’t feel good, so they would either leave or attack. Like crabs in a bucket. It hurt very much and it was lonely at times. If you stick with it and stay true to who you are, you will eventually connect with people more aligned with where you are headed.

4. We internalize the opinions of others as the truth for ourselves. I would consider what other people would say first and tell myself, “well they wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true right?” WRONG. So many people are floating around unaware of how they affect the world. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t consider what others say. I think considering others can be a big part of growth. HOWEVER, know your own truth and consult yourself FIRST. Remember that people who are doing big things aren’t sitting around and judging you, as they are too busy doing big things.

The common thread here is outside pressure, whether it is imagined or real, stopping us from growing and living authentically. REJECT IT and get in rooms with the right people.

Here are a few of the Patreon members giving their insight on discord as to how they combat negative self talk. To get access to the Patreon section of discord check out Patreon!

LET’S DISCUSS

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LET’S LEARN

READ -

 The Courage to be disliked - I am in the process of reading this and it’s OUCHIE but really puts the control of your own happiness in your hands.

WATCH -

 How to stop sabotaging yourself - this really brought to light some of my own behaviors

#commissionsearned

LET’S CELEBRATE

Would love to hear from you all. What is something that you would share about a recent success. Respond to this email and tell me your story for a possible feature!

LET’S SMILE

ON PERSONAL NOTE

I am contemplating starting a monthly zoom session with this group so we can all connect. A few questions

1. What sorts of subjects would you like to discuss?

2. Would these work better during the day or after work?

3. Is this something you are interested in?

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