LET’S GROW

What are the signs of people pleasing and how do we stop?

First, I want to thank you all for holding space for me last week. I had a TOUGH therapy session tackling this very subject. I want you all to know I am also actively working on all the stuff we discuss. It’s just like sharing notes in class. Also, I want to give a big thank you to all the Besties in the Discord. Not sure where I would be without you all.

If you would like to have ACTIVE back and forth with people who think like you, join us on the Bestie Discord! Enough of the mush let’s get into it.

What are the signs of people pleasing?

You struggle to say no - Often for me this would show up as going along with plans, even though I don’t want to go or need rest. 

I also often hear about this in the workplace, with asking more of people than they agreed to.

You avoid disagreeing with people or voicing your opinion - I do this often, because I feel like I have experienced enough drama and would rather internalize my feelings to maintain peace. In reality, it just bottles that drama within me,  creating immense frustration and discontent.

You avoid advocating for your own needs - Tell me if this sounds like you. Someone asks if you need help and your usual response is, “no thanks I got it.” Does it mean that you can’t do it yourself? Nope! I am sure help would be nice though. 

There are many more examples of this I will jump into next week, when role playing different scenarios - so make sure you are subscribed to get that.

How do we stop people-pleasing?

I think first, give yourself some grace. You didn’t become this way on your own. It was an adaptation to whatever environment made it necessary for survival. That being said, let's empower ourselves to make a change.

Rehearse saying “No”

I can’t tell you how many arguments I have role-played so that I was prepared for the real thing. This can will help you feel more prepared for when emotions are heightened

Delay your response 

I have found that the phrase “let me get back to you about that” really diminished my people-pleasing tendency to just say yes. There is pressure in the moment, so let that pressure subside before committing.

Schedule your personal time

I’m telling you….schedule time to yourself IN your calendar of choice. “Sorry I have plans.” Is valid, even if those plans are to veg out and watch TV. Having it in my calendar is a reminder to me that Me time is important.

I will go much more in-depth on the Besties Discord, but this should get you started. Next week I will go into the different arenas people-pleasing shows up and how to diffuse it. Coming up soon we will get into self care and take a break from personal development.

Doing this work is hard and I am proud of all of you, as well as myself, for doing the work. Take breaks - this is a lot 😂