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Why we repeat old patterns
Chris Thompson
November 11, 2025
In partnership with
LET’S GROW
One of the most annoying parts of growth is not accomplishing a goal or utilizing a tool you already have.
You are once again repeating old patterns, and it can be incredibly frustrating and oftentimes stop progress. I will ask this of you.
Be kind to yourself as you develop your skills. Do not quit on yourself because of one hiccup.
Why We Keep Repeating Old Patterns
You say you’re not going to do that again. You swear you’ve outgrown those kinds of relationships. You’ve read the books, done the therapy, gained the insight…
And then somehow, you’re right back where you started.
Cue the shame spiral:
“I thought I was past this.”
“Why do I keep ending up here?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Most Common Patterns That Tend to Repeat
Choosing emotionally unavailable people
Overcommitting and then resenting it
Avoiding confrontation until everything explodes
Shrinking or staying silent to keep the peace
Sabotaging when things feel “too good”
Constantly chasing validation or “fixing” others
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. These are survival strategies in disguise.
How to Interrupt the Pattern (Gently)
Notice It Without Shaming It –
Don’t say, “I’m doing it again, I suck.”
Say, “I’m doing it again—something must feel unsafe.”
Curiosity softens the shame and opens the door to change.
Ask: “What Is This Pattern Protecting Me From?”
Is it shielding you from rejection?
From feeling too seen?
From risking something new?
Understanding the function helps loosen its grip.
Create Safety for the “New” – New behaviors feel scary because your nervous system doesn’t trust them yet.
Give yourself safety signals:
Deep breathing
Affirmations
Support from someone who gets it
Repeating the failure is part of learning how to change it, which will take multiple times. You also cannot hate yourself into healing.
Growth doesn’t mean perfection. Sometimes it just means noticing the issue sooner, recovering faster, and understanding different choices—even if you only do it once. If you would like to go into further discussion, please join us in the besties section. Now go forth and be unfiltered.
That’s progress. That’s healing. That’s you.
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Affirmations
❓
Relapse is a part of breaking the cycle.
I will observe the pattern, not judge it.
I am aware of my tendencies and work to change them.
My setbacks make me human, not a failure.
Every step forward counts, no matter how small.
I understand which behaviors no longer serve me.
I will treat myself with patience and understanding.
I can shift my patterns through conscious effort.
I trust myself to handle new ways of being.
I believe in my capacity for change.
LET’S CONNECT
There are a few places for you to connect outside of the newsletter!
Discord - A place to chat, share, and grow with community members including movie nights every Monday!
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Coaching - I offer 1:1 Life Coaching and Social Media coaching. Book a FREE 15 min call here to see how I can help you!
Unfiltered Besties - Get access to likeminded people and join our discord. We have weekly discussion and monthly group chats. Also started a book club! Join us!
